I Have Never Knocked On That Door

Nine years, and you do not know his name.

You know the car. You know roughly what hours he keeps. You nod, most weeks, across a distance that has been carefully maintained by both of you for the entire time.

And that is not unfriendly. Neither of you has done anything wrong. It is simply what happens when nobody knocks in the first six weeks and then it becomes strange to.

That is the actual mechanism, and it is worth being precise about, because there is no ill will anywhere in this and yet the situation is completely stuck.

It got stuck at about week seven. After that, knocking would need a reason, and there has not been a reason, and every year that passes makes the required reason slightly larger.

At nine years, the reason would have to be substantial. Which is why you have thought about it and not done it, every so often, for most of a decade.

So let me say the first thing plainly, before anything practical.

Nothing here is going to suggest you become friends with your neighbor.

That is not the assignment and it might not even be desirable. What follows is one act, complete in itself, that requires nothing afterward and puts nobody under any obligation, including you.

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers

There is a line in Hebrews about hospitality, and the category it names is oddly specific.

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Hebrews 13:2, King James Version)

Entertain strangers.

Not friends. Not the people you already eat with. Strangers, which is a word for somebody whose name you do not know, and the instruction is aimed at precisely the category your neighbor is in.

And the word forgetful is interesting. It does not say be brave about it, or push past your reluctance. It says do not forget, which implies this is the sort of thing that simply does not occur to people rather than something they are avoiding.

You are being reminded rather than pushed, and nine years of not thinking about it has never once been the same thing as nine years of refusing. Hebrews 13:2 names forgetfulness rather than reluctance, and the Holy Spirit is the one present with a man who nods across a driveway.

And notice the last word: unawares.

The people in that verse did not know what was happening. There was no moment of recognition, no sense of an occasion, and the whole significance of it was invisible at the time and only apparent afterward.

Which means nothing about this has to feel significant while it is happening. It is allowed to feel like a small awkward thing on a Tuesday.

You have permission for this to feel like nothing, and an act that felt ordinary at the time has never once been disqualified by that. The Spirit of God is the one with somebody who has expected this to feel bigger, and Hebrews 13:2 makes the whole thing invisible to the people doing it.

The reason you have been waiting for

Here is the practical half, and it is one correction.

There has been a reason waiting to be found, and it has been getting larger every year, and that is a trap with no exit in it. At nine years the reason would have to justify nine years, and no ordinary reason can do that.

So the move is not to find a bigger reason. It is to use one so small that the nine years become irrelevant, and there is exactly one of those available and it is food.

A dish handed over a fence needs no justification. It does not reference the nine years. It cannot be read as a bid for friendship, and it carries no obligation, and the whole transaction takes about forty seconds.

You were looking for a reason large enough rather than one small enough, and a thing that needs no justification has never once had to account for nine years. Hebrews 13:2 asks for the entertaining of strangers rather than for an explanation, and the Holy Spirit is the one with a man who has been solving the wrong problem for a decade.

And here is the second half, and it is the part that makes this bearable. Have a sentence ready, and make it one that closes rather than opens.

Something like: I made far too much of this, it does not keep, I thought you might use it. That sentence hands the dish over and ends the encounter, and it does not require him to reciprocate, invite you in, or say anything except thank you.

Ending the encounter is not coldness. It is what makes it possible to do at all, and it is what makes a second one possible in a year without either of you having taken on anything.

You have a sentence that closes rather than opens, and a forty second exchange has never once obliged anybody to anything. The Spirit of God is the one at that fence with a man handing something over, and Hebrews 13:2 describes hospitality that happened without either party understanding it as an event.

What this month is, at that door

So here is the assignment. Invite one person for one simple meal this month and cook the thing you can already make, or carry it to their door.

For this one, carry it. Make the thing you already make and make extra, which is the truthful version of the sentence and the reason it works. Put it in something you do not need back, so there is no return visit built into it and no debt in either direction.

Then go over on an ordinary evening, knock once, hand it across, say the sentence, and go.

You are handing something across rather than beginning something, and a dish given with no return built into it has never once put anybody under an obligation. Hebrews 13:2 names the strangers as the category and requires nothing further of anybody, and the Holy Spirit is the one at that door with a man knocking once after nine years.

Then the part that does the work, and it is about afterward. Expect nothing. He may be awkward. He may say almost nothing, and then not mention it for a month, and there is a version of this where the nod across the driveway simply becomes slightly warmer and nothing else ever happens.

That is a complete result. Nine years of a maintained distance closing by one degree is a real change, and it is the only kind that ever actually occurs between neighbors.

You are changing one degree rather than starting a friendship, and a nod that got slightly warmer has never once been a failed outcome. The Spirit of God is the one in that street the next time you are both out at the curb, and Hebrews 13:2 leaves the people in it unaware of what happened.