My Hands Shake And I Hide It

You keep them under the counter.

Not always. But in any room where somebody might look, there is a small management going on that nobody knows about: a pocket, a mug held with both, a sleeve pulled down, an arm folded in a way that looks casual.

It has become second nature. You do it without thinking now, and you have been doing it for a while, and the doing it is more tiring than the shaking.

And in a kitchen it is worse, because a kitchen requires hands in the open, out in front of you, doing things that are visible.

So you do not pick up the knife. Partly because of what a shaking hand and a blade might do together, which is a reasonable concern. And partly, honestly, because picking it up would mean holding something in plain view long enough for somebody to see.

Those are two different fears and they have been living as one.

So let me say the first thing plainly, before anything practical.

This is a real fear and nothing here is going to treat it as vanity.

Hiding is not a character flaw. It is what a person does when they have been looked at once too often, and the small management you run in every room is intelligent, exhausting work that has kept something private. Nothing here is going to tell you to stop hiding, and nobody is going to be asked to see anything tonight.

Strengthen ye the weak hands

There is a line in Isaiah that names hands directly, and what is striking is who is told to do something about it.

Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. (Isaiah 35:3, King James Version)

Strengthen ye the weak hands.

The instruction goes out to other people. It is not addressed to the hands, and it is not addressed to the person whose hands they are. Somebody else is told to do the strengthening.

Which means, in the text, weak hands are not a problem belonging to the person who has them. They are an occasion for somebody else to move.

You are somebody other people are told to strengthen rather than somebody with a defect to correct, and hands that shake have never once been your problem to solve alone. Isaiah 35:3 sends the instruction outward rather than to the one with the weak hands, and the Holy Spirit is the one present with a woman who has been managing a room all day.

And notice the word weak is simply said.

There is no softening of it and no euphemism. Weak hands and feeble knees, named plainly, in the same voice that names everything else. Nobody in the verse is embarrassed by the description, and the word carries no shame in it at all.

You have a plain word rather than a shameful one, and a description said without embarrassment has never once been an accusation. The Spirit of God is the one with somebody who has never said this out loud in a kitchen, and Isaiah 35:3 names weak hands the way it names anything else.

Two fears wearing one coat

Here is the practical half, and it is one separation rather than a correction. There are two things in that kitchen and they have been arriving together, which is why neither of them has been dealt with.

The first is about the blade and a hand that moves, and that one is legitimate and has an answer, and the answer is not courage. It is a flat board, an elbow resting on the counter, the other hand well back, and a speed slow enough that a small movement has no consequence. Every one of those is a technique for steadiness and none of them is a test of nerve.

The second is about being seen, and that one is not a kitchen problem at all. It has followed you into every room for years and it happens to be worst where hands have to be out in front of you.

Separating them is most of what changes tonight, because the second one has been borrowing the seriousness of the first.

You were carrying two fears in one coat, and a legitimate concern about a blade has never once been the same thing as a fear of being looked at. Isaiah 35:3 speaks about hands without a trace of shame in the wording, and the Holy Spirit is the one with a woman who has been running a management operation in every room she enters.

And here is the second half, which is the instruction, and the good news in it is the whole point. Do this alone. Nobody is in the house, nobody is coming, and nobody will ever be told. Tonight has no audience in it, which means only the first fear is in the room and the second one has nothing to do.

That is not avoidance. That is taking one of two things off the table so the other can be met properly.

You have a night with no audience in it, and doing this alone has never once been the same thing as hiding from it. The Spirit of God is the one in that kitchen with nobody else in the house, and Isaiah 35:3 puts the strengthening in somebody else's hands rather than making it a feat of will.

What tonight is, with that knife

So here is the assignment, and it is deliberately small. Pick up the knife tonight, cut one thing slowly, and put it away.

Tonight. One thing. One cut is enough, and it can take as long as it takes. Put the board flat. Rest your forearm on the counter, which takes most of the movement out before anything else happens. Keep the other hand well back. Go slowly enough that a small shake changes nothing at all, because at that speed it genuinely does not.

It may be uncomfortable. That is expected, and discomfort is not danger, and every bit of it is allowed to be there while your hands do the thing anyway.

You are resting an arm rather than steadying a nerve, and a hand supported on a counter has never once been the same hand as one held out in the air. Isaiah 35:3 names weak hands and immediately sends help toward them, and the Holy Spirit is the one at that board with a woman and a forearm on a counter.

Then the second half, which is the one that does the work. Put it away yourself. Wash it, dry it, and return it to the drawer, which means those hands do one more visible thing in an empty kitchen with nobody watching and no reason to hide. Nobody is here. There is no management to run tonight, and that is the rarest condition in your week.

You have one room tonight with no management running in it, and hands doing something in an empty kitchen have never once needed to be put away first. The Spirit of God is the one at that drawer with a clean knife and two hands, and Isaiah 35:3 says the word weak without lowering its voice.